A Look Behind: Peter Pettigrew
by Ariadne Cho
Summary: My attempt at understanding Peter Pettigrew. *Previously titled "The Non-Gryffindor in Gryffindor."*
1. In the Beginning

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and characters all belong to JK Rowling. I'm just...borrowing them for this story. All hail the Queen JK Rowling!**

 *****Sorry, just made some corrections that I missed while writing and proofing this. Thanks to PrincessPeanutButtercup for the sharp eyes (must not proof read while sleepy!). Also, changed the title, because I plan on doing something like this for other characters as well*****

* * *

The platform was filled with students and their families. He nervously looked around, not seeing anyone he could call a friend. This was it. His first year at Hogwarts. Excitement in the air for most, he was just terrified. Afraid of being alone, being left out, not belonging.

He encountered two boys in a compartment. Both with jet black hair. One with grey eyes, the other with hazel. They both exuded an air of confidence, as though they knew that they will be at the apex of the social order. Again, the feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough, returned loudly in his mind.

Now, the moment of truth. Where did he belong here? The Sorting Hat debated on where to place him. Not in Ravenclaw, because he just did not belong there. He flat out refused Hufflepuff. Why would he want to be in the house most commonly dismissed amongst the other houses? Even though he probably would've benefited from being around members of that house, he still refused. He wanted to be different, to not be the scared, insecure boy he's been for eleven years.

The hat contemplated Slytherin. The boy got nervous. Oh, the hat saw all, and it was all there in his mind. Maybe not as ambitious, but an undetected trait of cunning, the ability to learn secrets and hold them until they're useful. Yes, he would do well in Slytherin.

But he refused. **Everyone** knew that the bad witches and wizards came from Slytherin. And he's not bad. How could he be? No, Slytherin house would not do.

Ah...Gryffindor. The house of bravery. **This** is the house he desired. Nevermind the fact that he has not felt brave in his life. Nevermind that another house was a better fit. No. This was the house to be in, the house where he could reinvent himself into something more brave, more daring. Besides, one of the boys from the train was now in Gryffindor. And the other one, perhaps? Maybe he could learn how to be confident from them, to be a new him.

Yes, Gryffindor or bust.

The hat begrudgingly acquiesed to his demand. The familiar cry of "GRYFFINDOR!" rang out as Peter Pettigrew got up from the stool and made his way to his house's table. Yes. This was a new beginning, indeed.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I know that Pettigrew is not exactly the most liked or symphathetic character in the Harry Potter universe. But after reading A LOT of fanfics, I started wondering what drove him to turn into a Death Eater. This story is my attempt at explaining (but not dismissing!) the motivation and understanding how the cogs in his mind turned.**


	2. Still Waters Run Deep

*****Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. I just merely attempt at understanding them.*****

* * *

They're a rag-tag group of misfits led by Potter. Potter was the son of an older couple, completely doted upon. It never occurred to him that others would have a harsher upbringing or insecurities. Black began to question his family's pure blood stance,especially  
since one of the dorm mate was an incredibly bright Muggle-born. Lupin shied away from others. His lycantrophy caused his family unease, which he brought with him to Hogwarts. And Peter? He clung to Potter, desperately wishing he couldbe as  
confident and at ease as the leader of the group.

They called themselves "The Marauders." Like other so-called marauders, the group caused mischief and mayhem with no regrets. Their heirarchy quickly formed: Potter as the leader, Black as his lieutenant, Lupin as the brains of their pranks, Peter asthe  
patsy or support as needed. He was at the bottom of the ladder, but he didn't care. He was attached to the popular boys of their year. He had status. He had worth.

This should've helped to assauge his insecurities of not being good enough. He was in the in-crowd, but at what price? Even though he was friends with the two most popular boys in their year, he was still at the bottom of the totem pole. The bottom ofany  
group is still the bottom, no matter how popular or sought after the group turned out to be.

The boys needed a distraction to be able to pull a prank? Peter was right there, desperate to prove his worth. At times, he would serve detention as a result of being the distraction, but wasn't that the price of being in the Marauder? He certainly wasn'tthe  
smart one - that was Lupin's role, to meticulously plan each prank for maximum effect and to leave no trace of the pranksters behind. He didn't mind not being the brains so much. He certainly wasn't anywhere near as smart as Lupin. Let him havethe  
headache of planning.

No, what Peter wanted was what Black was in the group - the lieutenant or (at times) the co-leader. Black was the closest out of the group to Potter, the place Peter craved. Only Potter could help him forget his shortfalls, make him believe that he toowas  
that confident, that at ease with himself and the world. Black stood in the way. At first.

No one knew how Peter felt. He kept his feelings to himself, not wanting pity from his group of "friends." Pity was bad. Pity was what he escaped from by going to Hogwarts. At Hogwarts, Peter was popular by association. Popular kids, even those by association,could  
not be the objects of pity. No, that made them seem weak. And the Marauders, especially Peter, were not weak. They couldn't be weak. They were the Marauders.

Years passed, and Potter got the girl. Before their seventh year, she would ignore his attempts at wooing her. This suited Peter just fine. Even though he admired Evans for her intelligence, he still resented Black for taking his rightful place by Potter'sside.  
Evans was not at his side, not his Number One. This suited Peter just fine.

Until it didn't. The moment Potter finally got Evans, she shared the Number One spot with Black in Potter's life. Now Peter had to compete with **two** people for Potter's attention. After years of competing (in his mind) with Black,  
he was nearingexhaustion by seventh year. He still had some strength to compete with Black, but the entry of Evans to their group caused Peter despair.

He was losing Potter.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I hope I managed to shed some light on possible reason(s) for Peter's emotional and mental state of mind. Just 1 or 2chapters left! Please R &R!**


	3. Tide Rush In

The war waged on. People getting killed left and right. Order members. Aurors. Wizengamot and Ministry members. Death Eaters. Innocents. Muggles. Children. No one was safe. The tide kept rushing in, drowning all in its wake. Didn't matter who you  
one was safe.

He would hear things. It was easy to do when you can become a rat. No one noticed you. They didn't need to watch what they saidwhen you're hidden from view. He gathered information like a squirrel gathering nuts for a long winter. And like a squirrel,he  
didn't let it go so easily.

Of course, he would tell the Order of anything _BIG_ thathe overheard. It would look bad if he knew of a raid and said nothing. Information like that was given freely away. It made him look good to the order, made him indispensable.

It was the little things he hid away, the idle chit chat from Death Eaters about their fellow Death Eaters, sympathizers, and loved ones. Little things one thinks of as unimportant to hide until it's too late. Peter kept a mental dossier on each DeathEater,  
and on the Dark Lord himself.

It seemed as though the Dark Lord _really appreciated_ good spies. Ones who can observe without detection and bring back all the juicy morsels. Good spies were rewarded nicely, which was more than he could say about the Order. He was still inhis  
little flat, low paying job, and no prospects romantically. Potter had gone and gotten himself married. Black made himself at home with Potterand Evans. And Lupin? He was goneoften spying on the werewolves.

He decided to take a chance. He scurried off to where the Death Eaters had said their Lord was staying. He wasn't going to be stupid and approach as a human, however. That would get him killed on thespot. No, to get the job of a spy, he needed to _show_ thathe  
was a spy.

A garden rat scurryingup to the Dark Lord normally would've been avada'd, if only to keepthe vermin population down. An _animagus_ in rat form got his attention and intrigued him. After all, who would have the balls to approach theDark  
Lord with no introduction?

So Peter Pettigrew got what he thought he wanted: a boss who wanted to know everything, a better paying job (because Death Eaters look after their own, even if he was a Gryffindor), and some respect just for having the balls to apply directly to the DarkLord.

size="1" noshade=""

 **AN: took me a while to figure out how to write this. Trust me, there were worse scenarios in my head. Been busy with work and school, so that's alsowhy the late update. Next chapter** ** _should be_** **my last chapter. I hope.**


	4. In Its Wake

Small. Insignificant. Easily overlooked. Each thought was a punch in the gut, especially knowing that they were the truth. Potter didn't care. Black didn't care. Lupin was never around to not care. Evans was nice, but she didn't care. After years of being ignored, Peter was accustomed to it. It didn't mean that he liked it.

A prophecy. That had the Order running scared. A prophecy of a baby boy born to defeat the Dark Lord. Peter mentally laughed hysterically at the thought. A baby couldn't hold a wand, let alone perform any magic. The double agent groveled to Dumbledore to save Evans. _Just what was it about Evans that had everyone in love with her?!_ Peter couldn't figure it out - yes, she was nice to those she encountered (except Snape), but what was it she had that he didn't? That was the missing ingredient, but he was beyond caring. The Dark Lord had the prophecy, and was looking to see who would fit the bill.

The Longbottoms and Potters announced their simultaneous pregnancies. Peter was (mentally) hysterical with laughter. They suspected a spy in the ranks, but freely gave that bit of information out? They must have a death wish - everyone knew the Dark Lord was looking to see who fit the bill of the prophecy. Then again, Potter just had to be the center of attention, even if it was the Dark Lord's.

The Dark Lord rewarded Peter generously for providing the information. Of course, the double agent did not know that Peter was spying on the Order for the Dark Lord. It would do no good for anyone to know. Not like they would think it - who would suspect poor, small, weak Peter?

It was the Potters' baby. The Dark Lord was sure. Peter waited to find a way for the Dark Lord to gain entry to the cottage when Black (bless his heart) gave him the perfect opportunity. Once again, Black overlooked him, saying he was insignificant enough for the Death Eaters to ignore. Stupid Black. The Dark Lord and the Death Eaters knew the Order members, even without Peter's intel. After all, his master DID infiltrate the Ministry, and the Order members would speak of each other in (they believed) complete secrecy.

Peter arrived at Godric's Hollow with his master. Potter was shocked to see him by the Dark Lord's side. Maybe Potter should never have ignored him. Maybe Black should never have denounced Peter as insignificant. And maybe Lupin should've stood up for Peter instead of ignoring how he was spoken to.

He knew Black would know instantly who led the Dark Lord to the Potters. And he knew how Black would react. He would use this against Black. Black, who would ignore and belittle him for being small, not magically powerful enough, not being smart enough, Black will serve the Azkaban sentence for Peter, knowing that HE was the one who chose Peter, knowing that HE effectively killed James and Lily. And Lupin? Lupin would live with the guilt of knowing (falsely) that Black was the traitor, and mourn Peter like the hero no one believed him of being capable of becoming.

As Peter scurried down the sewer to escape, he thought that was a fitting revenge for the Marauders. Even if the Death Eaters were cursing him for leading the Dark Lord to his apparent death.

No one would suspect a pet rat.

* * *

 **Author's Note: FINALLY IT IS COMPLETE! I've been having a bad case of writer's block not only for this story, but for my other one as well. Well, I hope you have enjoyed this bit of fiction!  
**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing, except my theory of what shaped Peter into who he became before the start of the books.**


End file.
